My heart's melody

I've never posted any actual music on here before, but I was just jamming on my ukulele earlier and I liked the melody that was coming out. I thought it pretty accurately captured the state of my heart right now. I feel like every time I've ever tried to write a song, I try so hard to make something clever and structured and good, but today I just want to let it out.

I think I was flowing a bit better before I decided to start recording, so there are a couple of starts and stops in here that are a little jarring (esp in the beginning) and not quite what I intended to play. Nonetheless, this is the general vibe of what I was playing. Maybe some of the ideas in there could turn into an actual song one day, I dunno. For now, I guess enjoy the bittersweet melancholy that I am experiencing.

Implicit Integration

I’m walking through the crowded

Convergent disarray

Each step takes me farther

Yet each step I decay

Nobody really knows me

I hardly know myself

Overdamped emotions

Just like everyone else

But I’m taking away all the uncertainty

And it’s never for free but it’s nothing to me

Is there any other way, is it for me to say

Is it all becoming gray, at the end of the day?

It has gotten so easy choosing to

Assimilate implicitly

And I know that I am losing you

I have lost complexity

I temper all my darkness

Don’t you see me succeed?

Approximated living

Quadratic energy

I try to solve my future

Based on what it could be

Implicit integration

Escape reality

But I’m taking away all the uncertainty

And it’s never for free but it’s nothing to me

Is there any other way, is it for me to say

Is it all becoming gray, at the end of the day?

It has gotten so easy choosing to

Assimilate implicitly

And I know that I am losing you

I have lost complexity

I step towards the sunset

Those moments pass me by

And when you look right through me

I never wonder why

I wanna pie

I
wanna piece of a pie
I’d settle for just a bite
of dutch apple delight

you
wanna piece of one too
don’t even care if it’s
blueberry, rosemary and cream

we’ve
got a craving for peach
marionberry or
pumpkin, pecan or pluot or
chocolate, cherry, chicken pot

why is it pi radians
is only half a pie
your full circle pastry is
perfect, in my

I’ll
turn the oven dial
to 375
let the temperature rise

you
cut up all the fruit
while I roll out the dough
the batter is better with a bit of butter, you bet

we
watch it steaming with glee
we just can’t wait to eat
let it cool before you cut
just one taste, oh god it’s hot

why is it pi radians
is only half a pie
your full circle pastry is
perfect in my eye
your compote it completes me
the filling for my life
promise me you’ll never leave me
hungry
I wanna piece of a pie
I wanna piece of a pie

On "Numerical Instability"

Hello, Aimei here. Coworker of Marlena and Ling, and drummer in their band. <3

Glad to become a blog contributor! We're trying to get back into writing music. And I feel like I gotta explain myself with this song. (I'll probably edit this post later to sound more eloquent.)

Due to my ongoing obsession with Nine Inch Nails, and my growing interest in metal and industrial music, I wanted to write an electronic industrial rock/goth/metal song. Not entirely clear what genre it fits into. There was a period right between highschool and 1st semester college when I wrote a ton of electronic music, and it's time to start it up again. I love writing the backing tracks and arranging the sound. The problem, as always, is my lack of lyric and vocal ability. So..... caveat?

This song is about an unstable [cloth] simulation. I spend all day dealing with those at work, so it felt pretty natural. Of course, it's supposed to be metaphor for a bad relationship or something, but I tried to get as many subtle sim references in there as possible. I was also debating the use of curse words, since I try to use them sparingly in everyday life, but it felt appropriate in this song. Sorry mom.

I'm also really interested in making visuals for music, and have resolved to make a 15 second Instagram video for every song I make. Not too hard... This one is pretty simple.

A video posted by Aimei Kutt (@aimeikutt) on Nov 29, 2015 at 11:01pm PST

Numerical Instability

I’m so high strung, I’m so uptight

You do not bend, you think you’re right

I’m too compressed, I don’t have room

And the tension grows with your every move

And if you wanna save it

Well maybe it’s too late

This chaos in my mind

Keeps picking up pace 

It’s kind of a stretch to think things will ever change

I keep falling I keep falling I keep falling away

It’s kind of a stretch to think things will be okay

This collision takes me out of control, I’m beginning to break

You move too fast, I think it’s time

To take, well, several steps back, back in line

You try so hard to keep me contained  

I can’t believe I let myself get this way

The explosion that you will see

If you throw out the key

You’re so damn fucking unstable

It isn’t just me 

It’s kind of a stretch to think things will ever change

I keep falling I keep falling I keep falling away

It’s kind of a stretch to think things will be okay

This collision takes me out of control, I’m beginning to break

Marsh (short film)

A year and a half late, but here's the actual film from the previous Marsh post.  Aimei, Ling, Sam and I made this in 48 (mostly sleepless) hours, and I wrote the music.  Many thanks to Jay K Raja and Roth Rind for the recording and mixing magic.

Throwback

throw back and all the wine is gone
breathe out and sigh a victory song
there's nothing to say here and nothing to do
but sober up and go home

I think I should like to sing out loud on a subway train
or kick off my shoes and jump around, splashing in the rain
but it just took so long to get it wrong
but anyway
what I mean,
I think I'm ok
I think I'm ok